I Heart Poop

It's crazy, I knew things were going to be different. I knew of the pills and the pain and the recoup time, but there were things that took me off guard. Like, in the hospital, they wanted me to keep track of how often and how much I peed. I now understand that they wanted to know kidneys and other organs were working correctly. Fine to know in hind site, but for a few days, I felt like Howard Hughes.

Now, I have these pain pills that are great every 4 -6 hours, but they make me sweat. I did not think that a week and a half ago, I would be chemically simulating menopause. I spoke with the nurses, and everything is fine and my body temp is normal. I just am one of the lucky ones that wakes up in the morning having already taken a shower in my own dirty sweat. At least Kristie is staying dry.

Also, another benefit for being pain free is being backed up. Yep, I know most of you don't need to know this, but what the hell? You might learn something, right? Now, I knew hardcore narcotics would bind me up, thank you Trainspotting, but so will the CVS ones. I load up on the fiber, prune juice, and over the counter ass-lax and sometimes nothing. I miss the days when commercials during the Price Is Right didn't speak to me.

For now, I'm just gonna be sitting and waiting every couple days for that magic moment. The moment where I think Wilford Brimmly speaking for Colon-Blow is a waste of money and where fecal matter flows like lumpy cake batter.